Alien Diary: Two tales of To Know and To Do

Two weeks ago, I got an email from one of my students (whom I will call Emma). It was just another day for Emma. She read the chapter for the day, went to class and participated in discussion. As she answered the questions her professor asked, she realized she was dominating the answering. She tried to give other students the chance to answer, but others did not volunteer. Wondering what was going on, Emma continued to answer the questions, since she did not want to let that awkward silence lead the class.

After class, one of Emma’s classmates approached and thanked her for saving everyone’s face. The student did not read the chapter carefully enough to answer the questions so Emma saved his face and probably those of others who remained silent. He also noticed the class was rather inactive that day, which led him to worry that the professor might think the entire class did not do the reading; Emma saved the professor’s face by doing the work the professor expected.

That’s when Emma sent me an email, not to brag about how she saved the class but to tell me how she practiced something she learned in Intercultural Communication class.

Whereas Emma’s story shows how she communicated face without knowing what she was doing, mine demonstrates a kind of the opposite.

This semester I had a chance to work with Professor John Doe. The organization he is in charge of was one of the sponsors for Hiroshima and Nagasaki A-Bomb Exhibit and Lecture. My first email to him started with “Professor Doe.” When I went to see him, I knocked and said, “Professor Doe!” He laughed pleasantly and told me, “You have to call me John. We are colleagues. I am not a professor to you.” I told him, “I know but I just can’t do that.”

One and a half months passed. Prof. Doe and I haven’t resolved the issue. My latest email to him started with Prof. Doe and he patiently urged me to call him John (Does this count?). I know from living in the U.S. for 11 years that I can call him John as we are indeed colleagues. I call my other colleagues by their first names although I have that pang in my stomach every time I do so (I am younger than they). I am even aware of the possibility that others might see this symbolically, i.e., a young Asian female calling her older white male colleague “Professor”: I am disrespecting equality, one of the core American values, and myself. I am also disrespecting him: While respecting my cultural practice, he might be uncomfortable, being put against his cultural practice. I KNOW all that, but I still can’t call him John (well, at least for the moment).

Have I mentioned that I have lived in the U.S. for 11 years and studied and taught this stuff?