Meg's Moments : Ugly and Proud

Have you ever had an ugly day? A day where mirrors taunt you with reflections of someone you’d rather not be?

I want to live in a world where ugly days are great ones. I’m not talking about building self-esteem, changing the face of beauty or judging people based on their character.

I’m talking about embracing ugliness. From this day forward I declare every day an ugly day.

The idea came from a hero of mine, Spongebob Squarepants.

Spongebob discovers that others perceive him as ugly in one episode.

“No one would want a friend as ugly as I am,” Spongebob says to Patrick.

Patrick’s reply is brilliant. “Sure they would!” he says. “It makes them feel better about the way they look!”

Patrick then teaches Spongebob the mantra we all ought to live by.

“Say it. Say it,” he says.

“I’m ugly,” says Spongebob.

“You’re ugly and?”

“I’m ugly…and I’m proud.”

People have been telling themselves and each other for far too long that they are beautiful when they’re not.

Come down to my level for a moment, where all things politically correct, polite and tasteful are obsolete. Do you really like Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty? Do you find yourself persuaded to purchase products advertised by menopausal women in white underwear the size of the Santa Maria’s sails?

Didn’t think so.

Have you ever seen a woman with a full moustache? It’s scary. Not unique. Just funk nasty.

A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, has just one dimple. It is repulsive and appalling. I hope, for Carrie Albrecht’s sake, that dimple construction surgery makes a breakthrough soon. And I mean soon.

The truth is, we’re all a little ugly. I, for one, was blessed with a nose that doesn’t quit and hips that don’t lie. For twenty years I have battled the mole on my face and the single black hair it sprouts on a weekly basis. When left unattended, my eyebrows rival Josh Hartnett’s.

I used to get down on myself for the misfortunes in my appearance. But the more I think of it, the more pride I take in my ugly imperfections.

When you’re tempted to ask your friend if you have a muffin top, or if your ears stick out too much, or if your feet look like Shrek’s, or if your teeth look British, or if you have fat forearms, or if your chin looks like a turkey wattle, or if your butt is lumpy, or if your mullet is getting too long or if that one dimple is really, really disturbing, save your breath. The answer is most definitely yes.

But take heed, my unattractive brethren. Ugly is the new hot.

The next time you consider untagging that Facebook photo your friend put up because she looks cute and you look like a chubby Boy George, take a deep breath and say it.

“I’m ugly. And I’m proud.”