The Senior (Citizen) Center

“At Top Banana: Female, Brunette. I’ve read all of your chips columns and you’re so funny, great smile too...lets do some improvisation of our own this weekend!”

I read this and knew he was the one. This moment was the one I had been dreaming of my entire life: how I would find my soulmate. It was exactly as I had pictured: sitting in my living room eating tator-tot hotdish in sweatpants with Elf playing in the background, casually surfing (obsessing over) likealittle.com, the newest fad to come to Luther college. I could barely contain myself. Who was this mysterious admirer who had captured my heart in less than thirty words?

Not wasting any time, I immediately cancelled my order of twenty cats and yarn balls from spinster.com and started planning my next move (a wedding). I was incredibly grateful for this wonderful site that seemed to appear out of thin air. Thank you, likealittle.com, for finding me my dream man ... whats-his-name.

But jubilation soon became mortification as I discovered the man of my dreams was an imposter! He was not my future husband, but a duo of prankster friends, who shall remain nameless, posing as my betrothed! How dare they ruin the honest and innocent premise of this glorious site. Instead of being the only place where true anonymous love stands any sort of chance, it has become an inexcusable mockery of all I believe in.

Having (clearly) moved on from this rejection, I still sporadically check the site, hoping to find another admirer. Thankfully, there are still some people who can appreciate the quality of character and loveliness that is Rachel Rudeen. I have found an overwhelming number of entries pertaining to me, and I will share a select few:

“At ylvi 4th floor: Female, Brunette. i see you playing soccer all the time!! i would “kick it” with you any day!! :)”

“At Union: Female, Redhead. I love you.”

“At Miller: Female, Black hair. Tall and sexy, I love the way you move your hips.”

I can’t be absolutely sure, but I’m almost certain these are all about me. Of course, the “authors” are being coy and vague by not describing me perfectly so I can’t crack their code, but I’m on to their game. Here’s to a bright future filled with cheesy flirtations and insignificant words of mild interest. Cheers!