Great taste, less filling

One of the biggest conflicts that plague college students is deciding what to do next. Our teachers, parents and family friends are always asking where we are going to go after we get our degree. After many painstaking hours of pondering, I think I have decided the list of things I want to accomplish after I graduate.

I am going to join the Air Force. They are a respectable group of individuals, and I would love to have the reputation. However, I will very shortly get my father to pull me out of training and eventually any commitment (the title will stay, however).

To get the edge off, I will do a smorgasbord of illegal drugs, including marijuana and cocaine (no one will tell).

I am then going to join up with some radical organizations, possibly those involved with bombing many places including the Pentagon.

I assume at this point, I will be in a high enough position in life. Possibly the head of a firm, or maybe even governor of a state (possibly lofty, considering I haven’t won any beauty pageants yet). Then, with said power, I will fire my sister’s ex-husband, because why the hell not?

After this, I will probably settle down, that being the natural step after such a busy young adulthood.

Most likely, I will have an affair with a woman while my other wife is very ill, and then divorce her and get remarried. Then after a few years I will get tired of her, cheat on my second wife, and marry my third (proven) mistress.

That might be too much. I will start again after my first marriage. I will begin an affair with a woman, and unfortunately get her pregnant. But that’s okay! I will have plenty of money to pay her off with, and possibly even continue my affair. I will eventually have to tell the public, most likely a month before my cancer-ridden wife passes away.

Actually, that seems a little harsh. I might need to start a little tamer than that. I will become the President of an organization and when people come and ask for a job, I will sexually harass them. Because, I mean, come on, if they are taking time out of my busy schedule, I will need to get some sort of payment out of that. I can always pay them a year’s salary when they turn me in. From there, I would have an affair with a woman that spans 13 years. I would fly her all over the world, lavish her with gifts, and when my other scandals were revealed, I would call her 61 times in one month.

Or maybe I’ll just run for President.